The Revolution Will Not Be Televised – Unlike Brand & Farage

So here’s the thing: we’re all fucked.

Uber fucked.

Uber fucked by the forces of the establishment.

Right now, an enormous amount of us would like the establishment to take a long walk off a short pier.

Into a sea of fire.

Full of flame retardant piranhas.

Flame retardant piranhas with Ebola.

Ebola and guns.

Lots of guns.

But who are we? We are but lowly serfs, cogs in the machine, round pegs in round holes. We’re ready to follow but not to lead.

So we look for a leader. A voice from outside the establishment, a general to lead us into battle, preferably one with a map to the pier and a penchant for genetically modifying aquatic predators.

But we’re human beings, so we’re fucking lazy. So we look on our TVs, our tablets and our tabloids.

Step forward “The Pound Shop Powell” and The River Island Robespierre.

Now I know that Nigel Farage & Russell Brand are firmly anti establishment.

How do I know?

Because they told me.

They told me how how anti establishment they are.

They’ve got the grandees of the political mainstream running scared.

How do I know?

Because they told me.

They told me that they’ve got the grandees of the political mainstream running scared.

How did they tell me?

In a hand delivered note written in invisible ink? At a secret meeting in an abandoned warehouse at the docks? Or perhaps they whispered it from the shadows in an underground car park at the dead of night?


They told me on TV.

On the flagship political debate show of the national broadcasting network.

Very V For Vendetta my revolutionary brethren, very V For Vendetta.

You know what the amazing thing about the establishment is?

It’s established.

You know why?

Because it silences dissenters. It controls information. It decides who hears what and from whom.

You may or may not have noticed that Nige & Rusty have not been silenced. They’ve been positively amplified.

Murdoch’s Sky News and Sun Newspaper have such a hard on for Brand that if Maddie McCann moonwalked through Middlesbrough carrying the severed head of Ben Haenow it would barely warrant a mention.

Nigel Farage has spent most of this year vociferously complaining that UKIP are being shut out by the mainstream media, mostly in front of BBC Television cameras. Having looked very carefully at the corporation’s charter I’m fairly sure that if they give him another five minutes of airtime this year they’ll be contractually obliged to offer him a contract to present The One Show.

Somewhat high profile for self proclaimed enemies of the status quo wouldn’t you say?

So here’s the thing: a different thing obviously, not the thing we started with.

Another thing.

The establishment fucking loves them both. As far as the establishment is concerned, having a media friendly quotable clown for both ends of the spectrum is like getting a blow job whilst opening your Christmas presents.

When Russell Brand says don’t vote who do you think is listening? Do you think it’s Young Conservatives tucked up with a copy of My Booky Wook who are frantically shredding their polling cards?

When Nigel Farage proudly tells the nation that immigration is the number one cause of traffic jams do you think it’s Union Leaders casting aside copies of the Socialist Worker to get a Union Jack clad bulldog tattooed on their testicles?


They’re both preaching to the converted.

Brand’s, the democracy dismissing dandy, encourages the left leaning to throw their vote away whilst Farage’s tea and biscuits bigotry appeals to traditional Tory little Englanders.

Net result: a similar reduction in polling numbers for Conservatives & for Labour.

Net result: status quo protected.

Net result: Establishment remains established.

You get it?

The media serve the establishment, they’re not going to serve you up a credible alternative on a plate.

If someone genuinely wanted to tackle social injustice, tackle inequality, tackle the cost of living and was opposed to the corporate takeover of Britain, then that person would be a credible alternative.

That person firmly be firmly anti establishment.

That person would have the grandees of the political mainstream running scared.

The establishment would do everything it could to silence that person, to marginalise them and to keep them out of the public eye.

If you’ve stuck with me this far, please indulge me for one moment more by asking yourself when you last saw The Green Party’s Caroline Lucas plastered all over your TV, Tabloid or Tablet?

Thought as much.

I wonder why?


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