Microsoft & Sony have apologised to millions of people who were unable to access their online gaming platforms yesterday due to a breach of their security networks.
Chuck Winerack, Microsoft’s head of placating surly teenagers said “We realise this is an unacceptable lapse on our parts and was particularly tough on younger gamers, some of whom would have had to socially interact with the member of their family who worked 80 hours overtime to pay for their ridiculously overpriced console in the first place. On Christmas Day of all days. That kind of suffering really puts this Ebola nonsense in perspective.”
Sony issued no official statement to the press but an inside source exclusively told me “For the millionth time, I don’t fucking know James Franco’s home address. If I did I’d tell you. He’s an awful human being, awful, awful pretentious prick. Did you see that film when he was stuck in that crevice and had to cut his own arm off? That’s how everyone at Sony feels when he walks in the building. My executive assistant put his own tongue in a shredder to avoid talking to him”
We reached out to the gaming community to find out how severely they’d been impacted by 24 hours of actual human contact but we’re unable to find anyone capable of communicating without the aid of a hilarious Game Of Thrones meme.
Whilst many gamers had taken to Twitter & Facebook to express their anger and disappointment about being unable to ride dragons, behead aliens or become the brutal leader of a drug gang this Christmas, as yet none of them have threatened to rape anyone, so that’s a bonus.